If I had to pick a word to describe my brain right now I’d probably choose “empty”.
I was feeling particularly unhappy with the paper I’d turned in for school last night. S was teasing me a little. It’s been a weekly occurrence with me since I started up school again. Every week I moan and gripe about my work and every week I’ve come through with flying colours.
“What makes this week any different?”
Well. On the surface, nothing. Except that even though I’ve been getting good grades, not once have I felt like I’ve written anything well. I pretty much honed in on what the prof wanted from the class and, just like uni, gave her exactly what she wanted.
And it works.
But none of it has been written well. It’s passable, but not high quality. And that’s what I wanted from my work. High quality.
As a matter of course I sat down a couple days ago and worked out some of the things I’m currently involved with.
- There’s work, the 9-5 time suck.
- My time on the negotiation committee.
- Frisbee twice weekly.
- School twice weekly, but more like thrice weekly when you take readings into it.
- Genealogy research.
- Book biz.
- And various other odds and sods that take up the day.
That hardly leaves me any serious time with S, much less any serious time for myself. It’s a problem that’s growing worse. I’m not overwhelmed, in fact I think I’ve done a fairly decent job in managing my time. But my life has turned into a buffet, intellectually I’m eating a little bit here, a little bit there and never really feeling like I’m filling up. I feel empty.
I’ve got a vacation coming up in a week and that’ll go a long way to helping me recharge my batteries. But I need a little more out of life than just filling up the hours in the day. So I’m hoping to reboot, recharge and reconnect a little. I’ve been promising myself some of these things for awhile and reality still manages to get in the way but at least by writing it down I’m taking steps, no matter how small, to make it happen.
Who’s In? Who’s Out?